Find a location near you. Search Search. Saying the words describing the offense you are apologizing for shows the listener that you have heard and understood what you did that was hurtful to him or her. This lets the listener know that you are not only asking for forgiveness with an apology, but you are naming what you did and that you admit it was offensive to her or him. If the other person wants to know more about your reasons, or circumstanced are truly complex, they'll either ask for more description, or you can offer later.
If, after time has passed, and the hurt party is holding onto the offence in an unfair way, then yes you should speak up and share your side a full length The other person cannot forgive you if you're justfying yourself. And if you feel that you absolutely must tell your side because you really didn't do anything wrong, then you're not apologizing.
Made in collaboration with Holstee, this tookit includes 30 science-based practices for a meaningful life. If you'd like to leave a review or comment, please login —it's quick and free! To foster resilience, think about a hurtful event in a different way.
How to appreciate a loved one by imagining your life without them. Login with facebook Login with Twitter Login with email. Please send me monthly Greater Good in Action updates! Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link to create a new password via email. Get Started! Making an Effective Apology A good apology involves more than saying "sorry.
Save Practice Save Practice. Mark as Tried Mark as Tried. Time Required 10 minutes to read about how to make an effective apology. How to Do It Acknowledge the offense. Apologies are most likely to be well-received if you show that you recognize who was responsible, who was harmed, and the nature of the offense. Provide an explanation. But explanations that sound like excuses or blame the victim e. Express remorse. Expressing these feelings communicates that you recognize and regret the suffering you caused.
Instead, acknowledge your disappointment in yourself and your commitment to improve. Make amends. A good apology should include efforts to repair the damage done. Reparation for tangible offenses such as loss of property might involve compensation or replacement, whereas reparation for less tangible offenses such as a violation of trust might involve taking steps to improve your behavior, such as attending marriage counseling.
When considering how to best make amends, be sure to ask the offended person what would mean the most to them, rather than simply doing something to relieve your own feelings of guilt. Self-punishment , for example, might alleviate guilt without actually benefitting the victim. Why You Should Try It Apologizing for an offense is an important step towards forgiveness and reconciliation. All people. Our mistakes are what make us human. We human beings are walking offenders.
Or if our intentions were all good. Often, the impact of our action is not what we intended. Our happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of our social connections—our relationships with friends, family, partners, spouses, neighbors, colleagues—and so broken or fraying connections are usually worth repairing.
We initiate a repair by apologizing. A good apology is something of an art. So what makes a good apology? After studying that question extensively, Aaron Lazare developed perhaps the most robust criteria to date for effective apologies.
Drawing on Dr. Just share the remorseful feelings, please. This is the hardest part, because it requires admitting responsibility for our actions or behavior. Ask yourself: How is the other person feeling? What did I do that caused that feeling?
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